Grief On Delay

For around a year I’d been seeing doctors, taking pills, visiting massage therapist and chiropractors with no luck. My back was still killing me. That’s what I kept saying to anyone who would listen, “My back is KILLING me.”

One day a massage therapist who I had seen several times said, “I don’t think this is a physical problem, I think your heart is in pain.”

Being the analytical nerd that I am I said, “Oh, so I need to see a cardiologist.”

“No,” she replied, “It isn’t that kind of pain.”

Since I tried everything else I decided to try visiting a healer with my problem. After a few sessions she told me she thought my problem was grief. She suspected that someone important to me had died and I’d never grieved them. We agreed that I’d think about it and I’d return in a few weeks prepared to release the grief I felt. I worried that if I didn’t know who or what I was grieving specifically it might not work.

A few weeks went by and the day of my next session I remembered that my beloved grandfather had died when I was nine. My parents decided not to bring my sister and I to the funeral, which was pretty normal at the time. The effect it had on me was that I never said goodbye to him. I loved him and one day he was suddenly gone. During the healing session I allowed myself to feel the sadness, the loss, the many years that passed since his death and I cried. When the session concluded I was exhausted. The following day I had a terrible sore throat and head cold, but miraculously, the back pain was gone, and it never returned.

To this day I encourage parents to take their kids to funerals and to give them the closure they need as much as adults do. I also appreciate that it’s never too late to grieve, your body will release the sadness and move toward healing whenever you provide the space for it to happen. Grief on delay can be part of the process of healing as much as grieving in the moment.